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September 2, 2014

“There is a way that seems right to a man,

But in the end it leads to death.”

Proverbs 14:12

Then Jesus asked, “What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds perched in its branches.”

Again he asked, “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty poundsof flour until it worked all through the dough.”

Luke 13:18-21

I’m going through Luke and Proverbs simultaneously. I like the contrast. And yet it all flows seamlessly.

We had a divinely-timed trip out of town over the weekend. I want to tell you about it and someone I met, but now is not the time.

I need to jump right into Inside Out. I am on the last section, but I think it is a great intro for our purposes on here.

“Most of us have memories we won’t think about – painful moments with a parent that may seem trivial till we reflect on them, wrenching episodes of sexual or emotional abuse. Ignoring past pain sometimes seems like the logical thing to do, yet pockets of angry rage stay hidden in our soul.

To deny we’re hungry after days without food and that we feel anger toward people who could have fed us but refused is not evidence of maturity. Christians starving during a famine feel just as hungry as unfed pagans.

It’s right to admit we’re hungry and normal to look for food to satisfy us.

But to admit hunger and then look for food to give those who earlier withheld it is not normal, it is Christian.

And we can’t do it without passionate confidence in the Bread of Heaven who sustains us now with manna but promises a banquet later.”

Inside Out, pg. 176

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/238/

August 29, 2014

Small group always helps me focus. We finished the last week of our Hosea study last night, and this verse caught my attention:

“For I am God, and not man – the Holy One among you.” (Hos 11:9b)

The Holy One among you.

While we are no longer objects of wrath because of His rescue (Eph 2), He does “bring His holiness and that changes things.” (Chains Falling, pg. 96)

Next week, after a long weekend break, my youngest starts preschool. It feels like vacation is officially over and routine will be in full force. I want to really hone in on the things He’s asked me to do:

1. Invest deeply in family, including praying for my husband in a new, intentional way.

2. Stay deep in the lives of others He’s put in my path. He is being so faithful in this area. I really believe in our church’s philosophy of ministry: More time spent with fewer people = greater lasting impact for the Kingdom.

3. Continue to invest in my fitness job. Writing is becoming a higher priority as the years go on, but if I just hole up somewhere and write I will shrivel up and die! Fitness gets me out among others and in the path of people I may not otherwise meet.

4. Keep obeying each next step with the outreach. His heart for the women we seek to serve is obvious by how faithful He’s been.

5. Writing. This blog is one medium for that. I have committed that He is my audience but wanted you to know the areas I’m feeling pulled toward:

– Our group is going through Hosea again, this time teaching each other. So I want to pass on what I learn in studying Chapter One in-depth.

– I’ve been reading the mind-blowing book Inside Out and want to share some lessons from it. While I read often, I read very slowly. So I’m still not completely done with this one.

– Simplicity. The last section of writing I did about this on the blog felt very “out there” as far as how having single eyes gets us among those who need Him. The next section is slow in coming but it feels more along the lines of the Inside Out lessons: The “Stress” section of 7. The Media Fast lessons. More of the internal nature of simplicity. Being and Doing coming together in our lives.

So I want to type out some of these lessons…you know, for otherpeople. Just kidding, the only reason I would teach would be because I need to learn!

And that’s what I have at this point. There will probably be random kid-isms and sweet stories about how my students knock my socks off. And I do really plan on working near and interviewing my iPad friends.

Just know that since I have other balls in the air, this much will take us quite a while. But I wanted to write it out while it’s fresh in my head. Plus I do better at committing to things when they’re written in ink.

Or typed in…internet.

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/239/

August 27, 2014

Stories from the Back Side

August 27, 2014

I have a new office.

I am an interesting kind of extrovert. I need a lot of alone time. I need to process. But, often, I don’t want to do that totally alone.

I like having people nearby on which to bounce things off.

I like to know that if I have a question, I can ask.

Kind of like independent work in classes at school. Teacher and friends are right there if you need someone, but you are expected to stay focused on your work.

So I have a new office. I’m going to bring my laptop to the gym one or two weekday mornings for an hour or so before I teach a class and sit with the Coffee Guys/Gals. Except they are now the iPad Guys/Gals. It’s hilarious. They all get on their iPads and share things they’re into, learning or laughing at.

Just like group work in school, come to think of it.

I asked if I can sit at the table next to them. To type a little, talk a little. To ask and really hear their stories. A few of them are from different countries. Others are from America but have lived elsewhere. Some are right here, born and raised in Wichita, and could give me quite the history lesson on the city.

All of them have stories.

Wanna know what their response was?

Enthusiastic, of course.

Who doesn’t want to be asked about their life? Their story? The lessons they would pass on to others if those others wanted to know?

So I wanted to let you know they will be appearing here often. I told them I would change their names. And maybe some details if the real ones are too boring. Just kidding. No one’s life is boring. We have much too creative of a Father for that to happen.

I hope you’ll join me in some curiosity.

I think they’re fabulous.

August 27, 2014

I had a complete meltdown last night.

I had, once again, started leaning toward pleasing instead of loving and serving. So when something was just slightly not ideal in our little world, and it had to do with me, I came unglued.

Because the approval of my family was inching its way back up the pedestal as Most Important in Life.

Otherwise known as idolatry.

God met with me, my husband talked through it with me, and my friend comforted me.

We went to Open House for Caden’s school and had ice cream with friends to celebrate a 7-year-old’s birthday.

We drove home with the late evening sun seeping through those rain clouds. His mercy was tangible.

I’m choosing to accept my family’s forgiveness. I’m deliberately going to dwell in His love and grace today. And I’ve reset my brain on pleasing Him.

Because trying to please anyone else as ultimate importance always leads to disaster.

Do you have a recurring pedestal issue? Want to share?

I really want to know.

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/242/

August 27, 2014

“To fear the LORD is to hate evil;

I hate pride and arrogance,

Evil behavior and perverse speech.”

Proverbs 8:17. Read this this morning and thought it was fitting.

Saw this on Pinterest:

“Freedom is being so in love with Christ

that you do exactly what you want to do

and it accords with Christ.”

– John Piper

Help us love what You love and hate what You hate.

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/243/

August 26, 2014

Psalm 36:5-9

August 26, 2014

The boys and I watched the sun rise together this morning. This verse was swirling.

Not our sunrise – source

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,

    your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

    your justice like the great deep.

    You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

    People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house;

    you give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

    in your light we see light.

August 26, 2014

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 HCSB

August 26, 2014

“Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Three different times today. Figured I should pay attention.

August 25, 2014

On the Balcony of a Site

August 25, 2014

Pronounced see-tay, this is a Turkish apartment complex. Although this photo is not the actual courtyard where we were stayed in Istanbul, those small balconies are similar to the one in “our” apartment.

And it was on such a balcony where I had my first breakthrough with deep, persistent postpartum depression.

I’ve written a little about postpartum before. At the time, I was writing to request prayer. Today I want to share a little more deeply about some of the ways God met me in my despair.

We had lived with our wonderful teammates for the first 3 months of our son’s life. I was not getting better. During a panic attack-type episode, Dan looked at me and said, “We are not going back to [our city] with you like this!”

The leadership of our organization was kind enough to move us to a place by ourselves with lots of light and windows.

In His divine timing, a family from our team was in the city to get their visas renewed. The wife had struggled before with depression and I was warmed as she shared her experiences.

She encouraged me to write down things I’m hearing in my head.

Then ask Him what He thinks.

For the sake of understanding the horror that is anxiety, I am going to share some of the things that were (literally) swirling in my head:

– We are a burden on people’s resources

– We are lazy since we’re not in our “correct” city working

– People are all judging us

– Everyone is talking bad about us behind our backs

– People have been patient up til now, but that will soon end

– I feel guilty because I am guilty

– I’m a terrible mother

– The way I feel about mothering will never get better

– My record is permanently stained

– I owe everyone

– I need to somehow work this off

Now, if someone else had told me they were thinking the above list of harsh, harsh comments about themselves, I would have been able to come up with a zillion reasons why none of that was true.

But when it’s you, it feels so true.

That afternoon, after I laid the baby down for his nap, I wandered onto our apartment’s small balcony and sat down in the sun.

Dan came out soon after. He sat down next to me, staring silently out into the courtyard trees. I glanced at him then, sensing his deep concern as well as his helplessness. I had never felt like such a burden.

I had brought out with me the book “Praying God’s Word” so I asked him to pray the verses from “Overcoming Despair” out loud over me.

He did.

Oh, he did.

If I was needing His thoughts on my situation, He certainly answered me intimately:

You love me with an everlasting love. You will build me up again and I will be rebuilt. (Jer 31)

Lead me when I’m blinded by ways I have not known, along unfamiliar paths please guide me. Turn the darkness into light and make the rough places smooth. (Is 42)

You have never forsaken those who seek You. (Ps 9)

You do not give to me as the world gives. My heart need not be troubled or afraid. (Jn 14)

You make me lie down in green pastures; You lead me beside quiet waters; You restore my soul. (Ps 23)

You, Mighty Defender, love me, an alien, giving me food and clothing. (Deut 10)

You are my God and I am among the sheep of Your pasture, the flock under Your care. (Ps 95)

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven (Ecc 3). Nothing is ‘untimely’ to You.

You are my hiding place. (Ps 32) Cover me with Your feathers and grant me refuge under Your wings (Ps 91)

I felt bathed in the sunlight. I asked Him to please cover my shame. I pictured Him standing between me and this Enemy of Depression and taking it all in the chin for me.

We sat that way for some time, relishing His Presence.

When I finally stood up, I felt lighter somehow. The storm wasn’t over but the waves weren’t crashing as furiously.

It was going to be okay.

I love that Dan caught this scene on camera of me writing out these precious truths to keep forever.

Learning to enjoy the bonding – with God’s Words right next to me

August 25, 2014

The Good News Gazette

August 25, 2014

On a recent Tuesday, like usual, I asked the seniors in my Fall Avoidance class what is going on in the world.

We have a variety of political and opinion differences represented.

I like to think of myself as the mediator.

Anyway, often the worst of the news headlines come out in conversation. It is always depressing. If it involves children or disaster, my heart always sinks.

This particular Tuesday I specifically asked who had any good news. (That was a lot of italics.)

No one did.

Then one of my students proceeded to tell all the depressing.

That’s when Judith piped up.

“I will look for you and bring you something positive on Thursday.”

And she did.

Can you believe this?