Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed;
Save me and I will be saved,
For You are the One I praise.
How I celebrate the fact that You have not run away
From being my Shepherd;
You have not desired the day of despair.
(Jeremiah 17:14, 16)
She is as in a field a silken tent
At midday when the sunny summer breeze
Has dried the dew and all its ropes relent,
So that in guys it gently sways at ease,
And its supporting central cedar pole,
That is its pinnacle to heavenward
And signifies the sureness of the soul,
Seems to owe naught to any single cord,
But strictly held by none, is loosely bound
By countless silken ties of love and thought
To every thing on earth the compass round,
And only by one’s going slightly taut
In the capriciousness of summer air
Is of the slightlest bondage made aware
– Robert Frost, “The Silken Tent”
I’ve been thinking.
(I know what you’re thinking. Stop thinking already!)
But all this talk about celebrating and acting like children and imaginations and dancing makes me ponder something.
How does this work in mixed company? Between genders.
I don’t talk about every aspect of my life on this blog, but that’s because this blog is not my whole life. Just little snippets. But a big part of my life these days is the fact that I’m involved in ministry to women in the sex industry. This is not an idea unique to me; lots of groups all over the world are bringing God’s love to women in this setting.
But even though it isn’t unique in the world, it’s unique in my little world. Because I tend to be insecure in certain areas, I often wonder what others think of this…or me being involved in this. I can project judgments onto others they never had. (I acknowledge this is completely wrong.)
But also…how are men supposed to deal with someone like me? What is a good and healthy way to relate to someone they know is ministering in an area where every man struggles? Do they have to put up walls mentally when relating with me? Is that the only way? Are there other ways to have boundaries with me or their own minds?
I’m in a season of writing. It seems to me that God has seen fit to give me seasons of immersing myself in His Word and other’s words…then seasons where I almost cannot help regurgitating those words somewhere. Lucky for you (?) it’s on here these days.
One of the books I re-read with a more open mind in the last several years was Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Now don’t go thinking I endorse every word or opinion in this book. I don’t think it is gospel for Biblical womanhood.
But it does bring up some interesting ideas. One that’s had me pondering is this:
“The way femininity can awaken masculine strength – and the way a good man’s strength allows a woman to be beautiful – these can be offered in all sorts of holy ways between men and women who are not married to one another.
Far too long we have lived in a culture of fear in the Church, fearing that any relationships between men and women will end in an affair. Sadly, we have forsaken so many opportunities to call one another forth with the grace of our genders.
John wasn’t able to be present for our recent women’s retreat. On the second day I had an encounter with an evil woman that left me shaken and under spiritual attack. I asked our colleague, a young man named Morgan, to pray for me. He did – fiercely. He rose up on my behalf and sent the enemy packing.
His prayers and kind words to me allowed my heart to rest again and carry on through the day. I made myself vulnerable to him, needed him, in a perfectly innocent way. He came through for me, offered his strength in a perfectly innocent way. My thanks to him was a way of saying, ‘You have what it takes.’ Should that not be an encouragement to him?
In the same way there are women in our fellowship who have offered to me (John) many words of encouragement, many tender kindnesses. They have spoken to me of how I have impacted their lives, touched their hearts, offered my strength on their behalf. And that has brought great encouragement and inspiration to me – even at times when I felt I was failing Stasi as a man.
But their encouragement and inspiration did not make me want to have an affair with them – it actually fueled my fire to go back and offer my strength to Stasi. It was a kind of affirmation that said, ‘You are a good man, a man of strength. As a woman I am grateful.’
John has offered his strength and kind heart to many women in our community – listened to their lives, helped them find their way, fought fiercely for them. His strong, kind presence awakens their beauty. In some sense it is God saying to them, ‘This is available – no here, in John – but this kind of man is available. Doesn’t that awaken your heart as a woman?’
There are all sorts of opportunities in our lives for this. Truth be told, it will be unavoidable. As a man comes alive, the women in his world will experience and enjoy his strength, the power of his masculine presence. As a woman comes alive, the men in her world will experience and enjoy her beauty, the richness of her feminine presence.
Yes – this exchange of strength and beauty will be a test of character. When something is awakened in us by another man or woman, we do have a choice in that moment. We choose to accept that awakening as an invitation to go find that with our man or woman. Or to pray, if we are single, that this sort of man or woman will come to us from God’s hand.
We will have to face this kind of test as we relate to members of the opposite sex. The only other option is to veil ourselves – as the Muslims insist their women do. A sad and unbiblical way to live.”
What do you think? I know. There are so many other factors. A person’s character and past. The particular sins they struggle with. Strength of marriages. Men and women acting in a way that is honoring to God. The enemy’s desire to see marriages broken. Accountability. Probably to be safe, never dealing with these things one-on-one with opposite genders.
But still, the points are valid.
I’m not worried too much about it. Mostly because in my little sphere of influence God has given me many safe men. And my man many safe women. Dan and I trust each other and our love. We trust our community. We aren’t naïve and keep each other accountable and don’t take chances. I can’t even think of a time when either one of us have been alone with the opposite gender. But we still live in trust, not fear
Anyway, I am not looking to be authoritative on this topic or advocate for change in any of the settings in which I am a part.
Just bringing up words. Thoughts and ideas.
Blogging about these things is dangerous. It only gives the writer and reader snippets of a complex discussion. Books can be set down, then picked back up allowing the author to move through the complexities.
Blogging does not.
As I went through my morning, I thought of all the things that could have been included in the last post. But one of the big ones was Joy. How fun this all can be! What a light exercise in watching God provide and use us and heal us.
The other thing that permeated my morning was Community. How this is so much better done with heart friends. I sometimes think about the community He’s surrounded my family with and tears instantly come to my eyes. He couldn’t have paired us with more wonderful, challenging, giving friends. They are perfect for us. Not because they let us off the hook on hard things; but precisely because the don’t!
We are open about marriage, parenting, sin, greed, fear, spending, babysittng, tools, cars, clothes, weight, vanity, pride. I never feel like I have to perform for them. They are so gracious.
But they also call me out. I can’t imagine where I’d be if they didn’t.
Thank You, Jesus.
I so hope you have a community like that, too.
One reason is for your own health – emotional, spiritual, psychological.
The other reason is challenges like these take the focus of us and how we’re performing – and put it on God’s Body being His hands and feet.
During Posessions week of this Study, our group took her challenge to give away 7 things a day. Well, we all came up with more than that! My oldest boy got in on the action too.
And then you know what? We didn’t just do a Goodwill run. (There’s nothing wrong with that, though.) As a group we called different organizations in town to see what we had accumulated that they may need. We also had personal relationships in our lives. People who we knew could benefit from our stuff we didn’t need. Then we split the stuff up and went on our merry way.
How fun! Together meeting needs. Together healing our own greed. Together living authentically.
The other thing about community this morning was celebration. I had two separate groups in which celebration was fleshed out today already. But first you should know a memory of a quote drove me to Foster’s Celebration of Discipline last night when the boys went to bed. So here are the words that were ringing through my head this morning:
“It is an occupational hazard of devout folk to become stuffy bores. This should not be. Of all people, we should be the most free, alive, interesting. Celebration adds a note of gaiety, festivity, hilarity to our lives. After all, Jesus rejoiced so fully in life that he was accused of being a winebibber and glutton…
Now I am not recommending a periodic romp in sin, but I am suggesting that we do need deeper, more earthy experiences of exhilaration. It is healing and refreshing to cultivate a wide appreciation for life. Celebration helps us relax and enjoy the good things of the earth.
Another benefit of celebration is its ability to give us perspective. We can laugh at ourselves. We come to see that the causes we champion are not nearly so monumental as we would like to believe…
Thus freed of an inflated view of our own importance, we are also freed of a judgmental spirit. Others do not look so awful, so unspiritual. Common joys can be shared without sanctimonious value judgments.
Joy begets joy. Laughter begets laughter. It is one of the few things in life that we multiply by giving…
One way to practice celebration is through singing, dancing, shouting. Because of the goodness of God, the heart breaks forth into psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. Worship, praise, adoration flow from the inner chambers…Children dance when they celebrate…Jesus had a sense of humor – some of His parables are positively comical…
So poke fun at yourself. Enjoy wholesome jokes and clever puns. Relish good comedy. Learn to laugh; it is a discipline to be mastered. Let go of the everlasting burden of always needing to sound profound…
We who follow Christ can risk going against the cultural tide. Let’s with abandon relish the fantasy games of children. Let’s see visions and dream dreams. Let’s play, sing, laugh. The imagination can release a flood of creative ideas and it can be lots of fun. Only those who are insecure about their own maturity will fear such a delightful form of celebration.
Let us also relish the creativity of others. Those who create sculptures and paintings and plays and music are a great gift to us. We can organize art shows to display their work…
Set up regular times to play games or watch movies or read books together…
Celebration gives us the strength to live in all the other Disciplines.”
(Foster, pages 196 – 201)
How lighthearted did reading that make you feel?!
So first thing. My Tuesday/Thursday Fall Avoidance classes have formed such a community. There are a couple of ladies who have been friends since before they retired from the school district together. They’ve seen each other through lots of hard and lots of good stuff.
Anyway, they love to celebrate. Every holiday is a big deal in our classes with those two. They typically bring festive socks for the particular holiday we’re celebrating. Those are for the ladies, and the men get candy.
Today (since we have Break Week next week – no classes) they brought everyone gift bags with 4th of July fun stuff. Including Red, White & Blue leis. So we all (men and women) will wear them Thursday and have our picture taken.
So fun, right?
(It is at this point I wish I knew how to scan a picture I have up on our fridge. It is of the ladies of this class and I posing with our Easter socks together this spring. Hmmm…I’ll have to ask Dan to help me when he gets home.)
Anyway, the second area celebration and community came together was after class. My 2-year-old and I hung out with my friend’s 1-year-old for a couple hours while she had an appointment. And if you don’t think a couple hours with two toddlers isn’t a celebration, you’re not paying attention! Smile.
We ate popcorn on the driveway. Marveled over Rolly-Polies. Actually we just tried to refrain ourselves from smashing them. (Well, that and eating them when they fell into our popcorn.) We played kid-sized band instruments. We read books (the fun of watching my friend’s girl is reading titles like “Miss Lina’s Ballerinas.” You know, instead of Spiderman. He’s fun, too. Just a nice change!) We swung on the tire swing (swung? is that proper grammer?). We ate grapes. We ate chips. We ate more popcorn. (Food is good.)
Fun stuff, right? Joy and celebration and community and love. Father, help us to live and love like Your Trinity. You are so worth any sacrifice or tears or hurt feelings or fears or miscommunication. You love Your Body, Your Bride.
We love you.
I want you to hold on. This one’s hard, but it could be so good. One baby step at a time.
“When Jesus had finished speaking, a Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table. But the Pharisee, noticing that Jesus did not first wash before the meal, was surprised.
Then the Lord said to him, ‘Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But give what is inside the dish to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.”
In the week of “Spending” in Jen Hatmaker’s “The 7 Experiment: Staging Your Own Mutiny Against Excess” she talks about this story.
“Jesus was the worst dinner guest ever. Awkward. Jesus’ response is interesting because the issue at hand was hand washing, as He caught the Pharisee casting a reproving glance at His social omission. No one was talking about money. In fact, no one was talking at all. Then bam, after one sideways look from His host, Jesus launched into this searing lecture, and the very first remedy He offered was this:
Give from what is within you to the poor, and then everything is clean for you.
Followed by an indictment on their meticulous tithing but neglect of justice. (Surely the other guests were like, ‘Who invited this guy?’)
I’m starting to wonder if Jesus actually meant that. Was He serious about sanctification through extreme generosity? Is He really advocating giving our goods to those without? I don’t know if He knows this, but this would mean completely retooling the way we live and spend…
What if we’re buying a bag of tricks? And dear readers, shall we stop imagining these sad, sorry, rich people belong to a different demographic? A brave reader admits, ‘He’s talking about me.’ Look at our houses, cars, closets, our luxuries. If we are not rich, then no one is.
If we aren’t’ swept up in entitlement, indulgence, and extravagance, then Jesus is a fool and let’s get back to living. If tithing the minimum and consuming the rest is OK, then we can dismiss Jesus’ ideas and act obsessed about other stuff He said.
But what if?
What if we are actually called to live a radical life? What if Jesus knew our Christian culture would design a lovely life template complete with all the privileges and exemptions we want, but even with that widespread approval, He still expected radical simplicity, radical generosity, radical obedience from those with ears to hear, eyes to see?
These Pharisees were a spiritual mess. What does this passage communicate about the relationship between extreme generosity and everything else Jesus then called out (injustice, pride, spiritual abuse, unrepentant hearts)?
[Heart follows possessions]
Evidently just as money has the power to ruin, generosity has the power to heal.
This is big.
While it is easy to become paralyzed by the world’s suffering and inequalities created by corruption and greed, we actually hold immense power for change, simply by virtue of our wealth and economic independence. Because we decide where our dollars go. Never has so much wealth been so concentrated; our prosperity is unprecedented. If enough of us decided to share, we would unleash a torrent of justice to sweep away disparity, poverty and hopelessness.
And let’s not miss the personal healing extreme generosity catalyzes: ‘Give from what is within to the poor, and then everything is clean for you.’
Wouldn’t it be just like Jesus to heal the giver and the receiver through the same act of generosity? Doesn’t it sound just like Him to finally mend our insides once we love on the outside? That to save our lives we must lose them, and the saving part doesn’t happen until the losing part?
Perhaps we don’t need another sermon or a deeper Bible study or a different mentor or a better church to heal what is broken inside us. Maybe in the crazy giving, the reckless sharing, the dangerous releasing, Jesus finally burrows into our hearts, piercing back the shards and lifting the shroud.
Maybe everything He ever said was true.”
(pages 136 – 141)
Whew. If you’re like me, someone will now have to talk you down off a ledge. One where you want to sell everything you own and move to the Congo. I’m so blessed with a husband who talks me through things like that. Not condescendingly. Calmly, with a love in his eyes at the passion that fosters reactions like these. We all need people to balance us out. God knows what He’s doing.
Either way, maybe you’re supposed to sell everything…and if so, don’t let me stop you! But more than likely, you’re supposed to start right where you are.
During Possessions Week, Jen said this: “This side of heaven, we will never find ourselves on the right side of the kingdom all the time. I won’t. You won’t. Rather than assessing this area as one sum total, already determined, imagine this part of discipleship as a thousand little moments, thousands of small decisions that bit by bit, choice by choice, slowly draw us under the leadership of the correct Master.
When you purge your closets and give to a struggling family…that counts.
When you skip those new shoes and sponsor a child with that money…that counts.
When you help fund your friend’s adoption is some small way…that counts.
When you spend more energy on people than decorating…that counts.
When you give, share, contribute, provide for someone else…that counts.
Everyday we have incremental chances to store up heavenly treasures, to foster good eyes, to be filled with light, to serve and love our God and His people. None of these alone will define us; individually, these moments won’t draw a line in the sand declaring, ‘This. This is the day it all came together.’ Nor will any of them alone disqualify us from this conversation or seal our fates as Money Slaves.
But together, the dots start connecting in a certain direction…It starts with habits and ends with our hearts; God can do that somehow. I guess Jesus was right:
‘Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.’ Matthew 6:21
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
John 12:24 & 25
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.
This is my command: Love each other.
John 15:16 & 17
“From the moment God first issued the promise of land to Abram, he described its occupants as quickly as its perimeters:
‘To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Euphrates – the land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites, Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites, Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites’ (Gen 15: 18-21).
Our [New Testament spiritual] Promised Lands are characterized by the presence of victory, not the absence of opposition.
Earlier I asked you if your present belief system was working. One way we can measure our belief system’s effectiveness is to examine how consistently our biblical position as ‘more than conquerors’ (Rom 8:37) is fleshed out in our reality.
The children of Israel showed they were God’s conquerors on earth by conquering. Victory always assumes a counterpart defeat. We will never take our places as ‘more than overcomers’ with nothing to overcome. We will never be victors without opponents.
As we will continue to see in our journey, God gave the Israelites the Promised Land but told them they’d have to take what was theirs in a fierce battle. Why? Probably one reason was so they’d develop the strength to keep it once they conquered it. Surely another was to let them experience the thrill of victory that only a battle hard fought can bring. In God’s economy, much of what is worth having is proved worth fighting for.
Like the Israelites, you and I have been promised spiritual ground for great and abiding victory on a turf where our enemy stands in defiance. If you’re not presently occupying your Promised Land, rest assured the enemy is. Are you going to stand by and let him get away with that?
God has given you land, Beloved, but He’s calling you to go forth and take it. Your enemy is standing on your God-given ground daring you to take possession of it. Are you going to let him have it? Or are you going to claim your inheritance? Possession is the law of the Promised Land.
Red Rover, go over.
The Creator of heaven and earth – the One with the entire universe and its riches at His disposal – knows you by name, has planned a Promised Land for you, and longs to bless you. He wisely reserves the right to require your cooperation. Many promises of God are unconditional, but His promises of full-throttle blessing, abiding, fruit-bearing, and conquering are not.
Nothing in your life or mine is worth forfeiting the places of promise where our own 1 Cor 2:9’s are fulfilled. What God has prepared for you is more than your ears have heard, your eyes have seen, and your mind has ever conceived. Promised Land theology becomes and earthbound reality only to those who cash in their fear and complacency for the one ticket out of their long-inhabited wilderness.
– Beth Moore, “Believing God” pages 9-11
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.
31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.
33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.
35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
– Luke 10:25-37 via www.BibleGateway.com
“Many Christians resist the idea that social systems need to be dealt with directly. They prefer the idea that ‘society is changed one heart at a time,’ and so they concentrate on only evangelism and individual social work.
This is naïve. One of the most poignant examples of this naivete I know is a story told my an urban pastor, Robert Linthicum.
As a student ministry intern he had been working among black teenagers in a government housing project in a US city. A fourteen-year-old girl named Eva began to attend one of the Bible studies that he led in the project.
At one point Eva came to him deeply troubled.
‘Bob,’ she said, ‘I am under terrible pressure and I don’t know what to do. There is a very large gang in this project that recruits girls to be prostitutes for wealthy white men in the suburbs. They are trying to force me…’
He urged her not to give in to their demands and to stick with her Bible study group. He then went home for his summer vacation.
‘Three months later I returned and Eva was nowhere to be found. The other youth told me she had stopped coming about a month after I left. I went to Eva’s apartment. As soon as she saw me she burst into tears.
‘They got to me, Bob,’ she said.
‘How could you give in like that?’ I unsympathetically responded. ‘Why didn’t you resist?’
She told me a story of terror. ‘First they told me they would beat my father…and they beat him bad. I had no alternative. So I gave in.’
‘But Eva,’ I said, ‘why didn’t you get some protection? Why didn’t you go to the police?'”
Eva responded, ‘Who do you think they are?'”
– Generous Justice, Dr. Timothy Keller
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