“Just a few months after becoming a follower of Jesus Christ, I found myself back in college, but on an entirely new mission…

I had come to know a young woman who led worship.  I was just learning how to play the guitar so she lent me her guitar throughout the week.  One day, to my surprise, Beth came to me and began sharing openly about her life before she met Christ.  She explained that she used to live with a guy, and she had just talked to him and decided to go back to him.  Her conclusion was that God simply didn’t love her.  Sometimes it’s easier to believe in a love you can touch than a love that is real…

She looked like a perfect church girl.  I was still learning that Christians can look great on the outside and be an absolute mess on the inside…

When Beth accused God of not loving her, I turned to her and assured her that if there was anything God could do to prove His love to her, He would do it.  I know better than to say that now, but I didn’t know any better then.  For some bizarre reason she immediately responded by saying,

“Well, then I want it to snow.”

Just imagine being in my place in that moment.  In a million years it never would have occurred to me that this would be her response…What she asked for totally confused me.  What I said in response confused me even more.

All of a sudden I heard a voice saying, “God is going to make it snow for you.”

You can imagine my surprise when I realized that voice was mine.

As soon as I heard myself say that, I added,

“Within twenty-four hours.”

She left, celebrating that God was going to make it snow because He loved her. 

I left feeling traumatized because it wasn’t very likely to happen.

I went back to my dorm room, pulled down the shades, shut off the lights, and I got down on my face before God.  Have you ever earnestly, desperately cried out to God?  I don’t know why I said what I said, but I can tell you, in that moment I was absolutely convinced God spoke to me and in some way spoke through me.  I wasn’t trying to be presumptuous; I certainly wasn’t trying to claim I could perform a miracle…

I obviously don’t remember everything I prayed that day, but part of it went something like this:

“God, I don’t know why I said that.  I actually thought You said it, but if it wasn’t You, could You sort of adopt the idea and take the project on?”

Several hours went by before my roommate, Mark, came back and awakened me.

To my surprise, the first words out of his mouth were,

“Have you looked outside?”

I wasn’t sure what was motivating Mark’s question.  Was he mocking me or trying to warn me that I’d better get to work if this thing was going to turn out well?

With little conversation I simply got up and walked over to the window.  I don’t know what I was expecting to see, but I saw snow everywhere.  Evidently it had started snowing almost immediately after I began my soulful conversation to God.

I’ll never forget the warm feeling I had while running across that snow and finding this young woman playing in the gift God sent.

At least on that day God changed her mind.

It was on that same day that God drove me out of mine.

Later I would go to seminary and learn that God doesn’t speak like this anymore.

But what was I to do?  I had already experienced God in both the mystical and the miraculous.  God had already turned me into a barbarian.  Those who brought me to the faith did not take the time to civilize me.  They brought me to the barbarian way and never tried to make me like them – only like Christ.  They brought me into the presence of the living God and knew that His presence would both consume me and transform me.”

– Erwin Raphael McManus

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/472/

Lots of women-themed thoughts in my head.

I was thinking about how desperation can lead to devotion, then retraced where I learned that. 

You won’t be surprised it was in a Beth Moore study.

The Patriarchs, to be specific.

Try not to act shocked.

Here it is:

[The chapter is Genesis 29:31-30:24 where in rapid-fire succession we witness the baby battle between two sisters and two maidservants.]

“Take a deep breath because you’re going to need it.  I can’t think of an intellectual way to frame today’s lesson.  Some things are not intellectual.  They are not necessarily even rational.  They are red-hot emotional.  We’re big girls.  We can handle this, so let’s get to it.

When studying an ancient biblical narrative involving such different cultural practices, we might first be tempted to think we can’t relate.  After all, hopefully none of us share a husband with another wife and two maidservants!  Women are women, however, regardless of the era; therefore, we can relate to Leah and Rachel.

[She has us fill in a chart of the child’s name, mother, coinciding statement and who made that statement in the order the children’s births were listed in Genesis.  Very good visual lesson.]

Leah and Rachel had more than a husband in common.  They shared a complete desperation and certainty that getting something they lacked would complete them and make them happy.  That’s why we can relate.

What did Leah lack?

[Husband’s love and affection]

What did Rachel lack?

[ability to conceive a child]

Beloved, with the love and compassion of a woman right next to you, may I ask you what you feel you most lack?

[Uh uh.  Ain’t no way I’m sharing publicly.  :)]

Does this lack ever make you feel somewhat desperate?

[Mind your own business!]

You can hear Leah’s heart as she journeyed through a host of painful emotions in the explanations she gave for her son’s names.  You can literally hear her processing through emotional stages.

Reuben  —- “Surely my husband will love me now”

Simeon —– “Because I’m not loved God gave me him”

Levi ——- “At last he will become attached to me”

Judah —— “This time I will praise the LORD”

The human psyche requires love for wholeness.  We are all desperate for love, but in some seasons of our lives we become convinced we must have a certain person’s love to be complete.  This person doesn’t have to be a spouse or romantic interest.  He or she could be a parent, relative, neighbor, church member, mentor or peer.

I have painful memories of desperation for my peers to love and accept me.  I was (often unfortunately) able to get the guy, but I was desperate for real and trusting female friendships.  My desperation finally became the life-gift that led me to a passionate relationship with Jesus. 

The name Judah means praise.  Leah finally – if temporarily – progressed to a place where God became the only sense in a senseless spiral, and she gave Him praise. 

Beloved, let’s allow God to show us our deepest desperation is for Him.  The troubled child of desperation is obsession.  The healthy child of desperation is devotion.

Our desperation will birth something.  What will it be?”

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/473/

It’s bitter cold December

And the leaves are falling true

And I do believe I’m still in love with You

My scenery keeps changing

And sometimes it’s hard of You

But You’ve let me see so much since I’ve known You

I headed to what seemed like nowhere

You told me You’d come

You told me You’d meet me here

You were here to say,

“Welcome to Delaware!

I know you’ve traveled far

And it’s a lot colder here than what you’re used to

And I  know that in the Wintertime

Things aren’t what they used to be

So all you really have here now

Is Me.”

So I settled here and that is that

For You to show me who I am

You had to take me to a place I’d never been

And all the things I’d dreaded most

About the things unseen

Have now become the sweetest part of me!

-Watermark, “Welcome to Delaware”

I could never describe the way He used these lyrics in a dark season of my life.  Does He use music like that for you, too?

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/474/

Did you see the beautiful storm this morning? 

I woke up for another reason earlier (that Reason shall remain unnamed). 

So I got to see the pre-storm. 

Do you know what I mean?

The quick, frequent flashes of lightning that light up the sky before all the rain moves in?

Magnificent.

From a song from a wedding last night:

Ever since by faith I saw the stream

Thy flowing wounds supply

Redeeming Love has been my theme

And shall be till I die

~ “There is a Fountain”

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/475/

It was a beautiful let down

 When I crashed and burned

 When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt

 It was a beautiful let down

 The day I knew

 That all the riches this world had to offer me

 Would never do

 In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt

 I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,

 Until I found out

 I don’t belong here

 I don’t belong here

 I will carry a Cross and a Song where I don’t belong

 It was a beautiful let down

 When you found me here

 Yeah for once in a rare blue moon I see everything clear

 I’ll be a beautiful let down

 That’s what I’ll forever be

 And though it may cost my soul

 I’ll sing for free

 We’re still chasin our tails and the rising sun

 And our dark water planet’s

 Still spinning in a race

 Where no one wins and no one’s one

 I don’t belong here

 I don’t belong here

 I’m gonna set sight and set sail for the Kingdom Come

 I will carry a Cross and a Song where I don’t belong

 Won’t you let me down?

 Let my foolish pride

 Forever let me down

 Easy Living, you’re not much like your name

 Easy Dying, you look just about the same

 Won’t you please take me off your list?

 Easy Living please come on and let me down

 We are a beautiful let down

 Painfully uncool

 The church of the dropouts

 The losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools

 Oh what a beautiful let down

 Are we salt in the wound?

 Let us sing one true tune:

 I don’t belong here

 I don’t belong here

 I don’t belong here

 Feels like I don’t belong here

 Let me down

 Let me down

 Feels like I’m let down

 Let me down

Cuz I don’t belong here

 Please

 Won’t you let me down?

Switchfoot, “Beautiful Let Down”

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/476/

Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples by the Sea of Galilee.  It happened this way:

² Simon Peter, Thomas, Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. ³ “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them…

[I heard Anne Graham Lotz say about Peter going back to his old life: ‘I can’t go back, but I don’t know if I can go forward.  Oh, God, who am I?’

Then Jesus answers his question…]



When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter,

“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”



“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”



Jesus said,

“Feed my lambs.”



¹⁶ Again Jesus said,

“Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”


Jesus said,

“Take care of my sheep.”



¹⁷ The third time he said to him,

“Simon son of John, do you love me?”


Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”


Jesus said,

“Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

¹⁹ Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”


²⁰ Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”)


²¹ When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

²² Jesus answered,

“If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” ²³



 Because of this, the rumor spread among the believers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

²⁴ This is the disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down. We know that his testimony is true.

²⁵ Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.


John 21:15-25 via www.biblegateway.com


I’m always sad to finish a book I’ve been slowly working through. 

As a bit of a side note, in Paul’s review of what is first importance, he described the order of Christ’s appearing this way:

“For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve.  After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of he brothers at the same time…”

(1 Corinthians 15:3-6a, emphasis mine)

I heard a teacher mention this passage, wondering if maybe Jesus came to Peter first and individually because he so deeply needed to know he was still who God said he was.  He had to believe even after such failure.  That the two of them had a meeting so intimate it necessitated being alone. 


I don’t doubt it.  He is so good and so kind and so wise. 

It is not told to us specifically, so we can’t be dogmatic about it.


But still.  Makes me wonder…

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/477/

I loved what Jen/Rachel said in this post.

I’ve been thinking about some examples, too.

The other week our group leader asked in an email if anyone would volunteer for an opportunity.  I immediately replied I would.  Then within a few minutes I was writing a second, follow-up email that said, “Oops.  Let me check with Dan to see if the extra time it would take away from home would be too much in his opinion.”

The next time I saw a friend, I repeated that story and she smiled real big and goes, “Woman of Valor!”

So, how about you?

Learning what it’s like to die to yourself as you live life with roommates?  Woman of Valor.

Waiting for God’s best for your marriage partner but not shutting down emotionally when that seems so far off?  Woman of Valor.

Taking advantage of meeting new people so the chances of meeting God’s best for you increases?  Woman of Valor.

Loving God as a teen and going against the tide even in harsh opposition?  Young Woman of Valor.

Realizing your insecurities don’t define you and living like you believe that?  Woman of Valor.

Opening your heart – again – each morning, even though you’ve been hurt before?  Woman of Valor.

Wash the dishes last night even though you were dog tired so no one would wake up with cranky pants in the morning?  Woman of Valor.

Absolutely LOVE Pinterest and being crafty and making your home lovely?  Woman of Valor.

Finally figured out you’re actually a better mom when you work 10-20 hours a week part-time?  Woman of Valor.

Set your face as flint against the cultural tide and not worked even a little outside the home?  And loved it?  Woman of Valor.

Working full time because you need to/want to and throwing in God’s kingdom that way?  Woman of Valor.

Sending your kids to the local public school because you want them to be salt and light and to dive in deep in your neighborhood?  Woman of Valor.

Sending your kids to private Christian school because you want them to have a firm foundation?  Woman of Valor.

Pulling out the big guns and being your children’s teacher?  Whoa.  Major Woman of Valor.  (And my personal hero.)

For the non-moms out there: Throwing into a ministry or non-profit as your primary work?  Woman of valor.

Know God has called you to be in the secular business world?  And investing deeply there?  Woman of Valor.  (I think reading this book would be good for you to in connecting your work to the Kingdom.)

Being a stay-at-home wife even without kids?  Woman of Valor.

Sharing your painful infertility struggles with others so God is glorified in your grief?  Woman of Valor.

Adopting little ones who just want a forever family?  Woman of Valor.

Opening your home to foster kids who just need someone to believe in them?  Woman of Valor.

Getting really deeply involved in a ministry outside of your family?  Woman of Valor.

Throwing almost all of your primary energies into your family?  Woman of Valor.

Digging deep and healing from past abuse?  Woman of Valor.

Clinging to Him daily in parenting challenges?  Woman of Valor.

Walking faithfully with Him as you deal with illness – in yourself or family member?  Woman of Valor.

Walking with God through dark seasons of depression or anxiety or paralyzing fear?  Woman of Valor.

Meeting with Him day after day – even when He seems so far off?  Woman of Valor.

Keep plugging in, giving of yourself and praying for connection in some sphere of your influence?  Even if it feels like you’re not well received?  Woman of Valor.

Taking that step – even as you tremble – to reach out to a woman who seems so different than you?  Especially if she doesn’t have the Hope you do?  Woman of Valor.

Saying no to all kinds of conveniences so you can keep a Kingdom-Friendly budget?  Woman of Valor.

Trying really hard to recycle?  (But not being a Nazi no one wants to be around?)  Woman of Valor.

Gardening?  Woman of Valor. 

Using paper plates or swinging through Mickey D’s once in a while because not stressing about it would make you a better person that day?  Woman of Valor. 

Trying to cook using whole, organic foods?  Woman of Valor.

Just barely keeping afloat in the kitchen, but serving in that capacity anyway?  Woman of Valor.

Praying before grocery shopping for God to provide for you, yours and others and scoring some crazy good deals?  Then giving away some of those deals?  Woman of Valor.

Facing your fear of failure and stepping out in faith in an opportunity?  Woman of Valor.

Facing your fear of success and obeying God?  Woman of Valor.

And most bottom-line of all: Learning to hear His voice and walk in His Spirit moment-by-moment?  And obeying even if it’s hard?  Woman. of. Valor.

How fun is this?!  Let’s love on each other. 

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/478/

We act out what we believe.  Not what we know.

– Vickie Arruda

When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him.

– Oswald Chambers

Faith is not believing in my own unshakable belief.  Faith is believing an unshakable God when everything in me trembles and quakes.

– Beth Moore

To topple the ‘stronghold of our experiences’ we must ‘let God be found true, though every man be found a liar’ (Romans 3:4 NASB).  The only One who has a right to shape our lives is Jesus Christ.  We must determine to allow nothing and no one to shape us, not even our personal experiences, unless they are consistent with the promises of God.  In truth, who is ruling our lives, God or our experiences?

– Francis Frangipane

Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off.  Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered…Remain spiritually tenacious.

– Oswald Chambers

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

– Mark 9:24

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/479/

I don’t know if you’ve ever read this blog post from Jen Hatmaker.  It really changed the thinking of us ladies in our small group.  Here’s the gist:

I came across some profound teaching by my friend, Rachel Held Evans, that I can only deduce was divinely timed. After I read it the first time, I literally thought about it for weeks. It was so liberating, so refreshing, so carefully examined and studied in Scripture. She took a biblical passage that women have used as a battering ram – on themselves – for far too long, and it’s high time we begin to change the banner we wave over one another, over ourselves.

From Rachel:

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/480/

This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.

Isaiah 66:2

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/481/