For the next several weeks, each person in our small group is picking one Biblical character and teaching about them.  I chose Priscilla.  I’ve been interested in her and her marriage since reading this book in 2006.  The way Wangerin describes them in relation to Paul’s ministry is fascinating.

She and her husband, Aquila, worked together as tentmakers.  They opened their home every place they lived (Corinth, Ephesus, Rome) to the church.  After sitting under Paul’s teaching for 18 months, they took aside a gifted preacher and more thoroughly explained the way of God to him (Acts 18:26).  And they even risked their necks to save Paul’s life (Romans 16:3-5). 

They seemed to be very loyal, have a deep love for Jesus, and were willing to sacrifice to make others and the church more successful. 

I love character studies.

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Hmmm.  Still more.

I know with every strength there’s a weakness.

I know empathy and seeing the why behind someone’s actions is good.

But I don’t want to fall into the trap of justifying sin.  In myself or others.

The other day a friend was sharing a personal struggle.  Her perspective on this issue is Biblical, but not the norm.  So she finds herself wanting to feel understood in this area.  But then she said,

“But I don’t need anyone telling me it’s okay.”

“Because it’s sin?”

“Because it’s sin.”

I don’t want to give any impressions on here that I’m okay with what God is not okay with.  It doesn’t help me and it doesn’t help others.

The very real pride in my heart that rebels at spiritual correction is sin.

The desire to do whatever I want to do with no accountability is sin.

Not allowing others to lead me is sin.

Whatever the reason behind it.

Seeing shades of gray is a good thing.

But some things are black and white. 

To paraphrase Cloud and Townsend, “The bad news in life is even if you’re in a difficult situation that is not your fault, you still have to do the work.”

Please know I have wonderful accountability partners and leaders in my life.  I have people making sure I don’t let this issue get out of hand in my heart.  I want to hear challenges and rebukes and accept them without making pleasing the person giving them my motive in change.  Fine line for someone like me. 

Okay, I think that’s it for today.

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Oops.  This post is the one I was referring to in the last post.

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/408/

This post continues to come to my mind.  Therefore, I’ve been mulling it over. 

I wasn’t very honest in it.  It may seem like it was honest, but it was actually very reactive. 

If anything about our outreach ministry comes across – here or elsewhere – as self-righteous or condemning, I have gone off course.  If I ever share anything but grace, grace, and more grace, I am a hypocrite.  Yes, there is a need for Truth, too.  But the spirit in which it is shared – by me – has to be one of compassion and grace.  Or it is inauthentic.

When a young girl is victimized, it can set off certain reactions in her heart.  Ways to deal with the pain that are not God’s ways.  In one sense, her sexuality can cause her great shame and she can deny or try to hide it.  In another sense, because her sexuality was used against her, she can turn it into a way to feel powerful instead of a like a victim.  It becomes a sense of power – but a false one.  It is actually a lie.  When a woman is involved in the sex industry because she feels she is taking back power that had been taken from her, it is the worst kind of self-deception.  She is in bondage.

Even though no one on our team has been involved in the sex industry, there are ways in which I at least have done internally what they are externalizing.  Before in my life I have sought to both deny femininity and sexuality – and used it to not feel like a victim.  Therefore I feel very empathetic toward the struggle of women in the industry.

The problem comes when I assume others aren’t.  That they wouldn’t understand or they would judge.  It is just a reverse judgment.  I am just as guilty of prejudging and accusing motives.  This is wrong and I am sorry.  I am sorry publicly because I have been wrong publicly.

Lately I have fallen into some people pleasing tendencies.  I started blogging on here because I felt a very real pull from God to share some lessons.  I still feel that pull, but I have done it in ways that are inauthentic or done it on days when He wasn’t tugging on my heart to share but I shared anyway, in the desire to be consistent.  When I do that, instead of follow His gracious lead, I can get angry.  At myself for people pleasing instead of God pleasing.  I do not struggle with trying to earn God’s approval.  That is not my self-righteous struggle.  I struggle with wanting other believer’s approval.  To appear righteous before them.  That should not be my goal.

I will continue to share on here.  I think I’m supposed to.  It helps keep me honest.  And hopefully it speaks to someone else.  But I will do it as I feel led, when I know it will come across in the right spirit of gratitude.  The spirit that is most true in my heart toward all God has done for me.

God is very tricky.  He has used the tug toward women stuck in bondage to continue to show me areas of my heart that are still a daily battle of my own bondage.  Places I still need to take down the wallpaper of lies in my mind and re-wallpaper with Truth from His Word.  It is a continuation of the freedom journey He and I began 12 years ago.  I think that’s good.

He is also tricky in dealing with my prejudices and trust issues toward people in churches.  The very people I feared would judge and condemn have been so incredibly gracious and generous toward this ministry.  Every time someone offers to help or supports the outreach, I feel so humbled and grateful.  Maybe that’s taking it too personal, but all I know is it has been God’s way of whispering to my heart of His love and the love He desires His Body to show the world.

“Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Psalm 73:25 & 26

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Sometimes I have a really hard time separating truth from lies.  I know when I have a general spirit of condemnation it isn’t from my Father.  So I haven’t wanted to share too much about that on here.

I’ve been studying David in 2 Samuel, but today she had us look at Psalm 139.  Particularly, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (verses 23 & 24)

“If I allow God to halt sin before it takes one step out of the mind into word or deed, the only person hurt will be me.  Once sin progresses from the mind to the mouth and deeds, we’ve involved others, and the repercussions and chastisements escalate.”

And that’s when it finally hit me: when my sin of pride bleeds out in my words on here, it affects others who would read it. 

Of course!  It seems so obvious, but I wasn’t clear what I was needing to be confessing or apologizing for.  It was all very muddy in my brain.

So please know, anyone reading this, that I am so sorry my sin would affect or hurt you.  I want this to be a place where God is given glory.  I think I may always struggle with that line between being authentic without glorifying sin.  I know I passed that line in several posts the last few weeks and it is wrong. 

If I’ve completely missed the mark and am needing to confess something else (or something more) please pray for me to know specifically what it is.  And due to my own particular struggles with feelings of guilt, feel free to ask that I would fight that fight well in my mind to not believe lies. 

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 

– 1 John 1:8&9

Thanks for reading this. 

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“Service is a reward, not a punishment.  This idea is foreign to people who dislike their work and only put up with it until retirement.  We think that faithful work should be rewarded by a vacation for the rest of our lives.  But God offers us something very different: more work, more responsibilities, increased opportunities, along with greater abilities, resources, wisdom and empowerment.  We will have sharp minds, strong bodies, clear purpose, and unabated joy.  The more we serve Christ now, the greater our capacity will be to serve him in Heaven.

Dallas Willard suggests, ‘Perhaps it would be a good exercise for each of us to ask ourselves: Really, how many cities could I now govern under God?  If, for example, Baltimore or Liverpool were turned over to me, with power to do what I want with it, how would things turn out?  An honest answer to this question might do much to prepare us for our eternal future in this universe.’

Will everyone be given the opportunity to rule in the new universe?  The apostle Paul said that eternal rewards are available ‘not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing’ (2 Tim 4:8).  The word all is encouraging.  ‘The Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free’ (Eph 6:8).  The word everyone is again encouraging.  It won’t be just a select few rewarded with positions of leadership.

Should we be excited that God will reward us by making us rulers in His Kingdom?  Absolutely.  Jesus said, ‘Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven’ (Matt 5:12).

God will choose who reigns as kings, and I think some great surprises are in store for us.  Christ gives us clues in Scripture as to the type of person he will choose: ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven…Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth…Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven’ (Matt 5:3, 5, 10).  ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.  Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time’ (1 Pet 5:5-6).

Look around you to see the meek and the humble.  They may include street sweepers, locksmith’s assistants, bus drivers…

I once gave one of my books to a delightful hotel bellman.  I discovered he was a committed Christian.  He said he’d been praying for our group, which was holding a conference at the hotel.  Later, I gave him a little gift, a rough wooden cross.  He seemed stunned, overwhelmed. 

With tears in his eyes he said, ‘You didn’t need to do that.  I’m only a bellman.’ 

The moment he said it, I realized that this brother had spent his life serving.  It will likely be someone like him that I’ll have the privilege of serving under in God’s Kingdom.  He was ‘only a bellman’ who spoke warmth and love, who served, who quietly prayed in the background for the success of a conference in his hotel.  I saw Jesus in that bellman, and there was no ‘only’ about him.

Who will be kings of the New Earth?  I think that bellman will be one of him.

And I’ll be honored to carry his bags.”

– Alcorn, Heaven, pgs. 234-235

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Praise the LORD, O my soul.

O LORD my God, You are very great;

You are clothed with splendor and majesty.

You wrap Yourself in light as with a garment;

You stretch out the heavens like a tent

And lay the beams of Your upper chambers on their waters.

You make the clouds Your chariot

And ride on the wings of the wind.

You make winds Your messengers,

Flames of fire Your servants.

Psalm 104:1-4

https://www.intentionalkingdomliving.com/412/

Encouraged by this today…and praying for Colorado.

“In all of [this growth in simplicity], we can sometimes get the mistaken impression of uninterrupted progress forward.  Even the use of the term ‘stages’ can unwittingly convey the idea of leaving one level for a higher one, never to return again.  I have not found it to be so.  My experience has been much more fluid and undulating.  One day I may be experiencing an intimate attention to Christ’s presence that is well-nigh amazing, and the next day I am in the ‘Slough of Despond.’  I can alternate between being meekly submissive and stubbornly rebellious with surprising speed…

But it is not a spiritual roller coaster either, because through all the motion there is a sense of progress and growth.  Whereas before the hard thing was to seek God’s face, more and more the hard thing is to refrain from seeking him.  Although many times we do not pay attention to the holy Whisper, increasingly we do.  We are less and less discouraged by our many wanderings in the wilderness because, having tasted the land of promise, we desire it more and more.  As much as we may flirt with double-minded living, our real love is singleness of purpose, and increasingly it is capturing our heart… 

Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, ‘Pray for me that I not loosen my grip on the hands of Jesus even under the guise of ministering to the poor.’  That is our first task: to grip the hands of Jesus with such tenacity that we are obliged to follow his lead, to seek first his kingdom…

A fourth advice in holy obedience is to get up quickly and keep going if you stumble and fall.  You will fall, you know.  I shared one incident of victory, but I could also tell you of so many times when stubborn self-will would shake its defiant fist at the gentle Voice…

But when we do fail we do not need to give excessive time mourning the loss.  We need to make confession, get up, and start again immediately.  Nor should we linger at the site of battles won.  The issue in holy obedience is not whether we failed or succeeded yesterday or this morning, but whether we are obedient now.  Does heaven’s light blind us to all other affections now?  Is our eye single, are we living in simplicity now?

None of us can live in holy obedience on our own.  We need the help and encouragement, and even rebuke, of our brothers and sisters.

In our day a great crowd of concerns presses into our little lives, demanding attention.  Neighbors are lonely; marriages are floundering; social injustice is prolific; world hunger is escalating.  We are pulled, pushed, torn.  We need not answer these concerns by rushing out in double-minded obedience.  With our eyes blinded to all else by a flaming vision of God, we may respond decisively in holy obedience.”

Foster, Freedom of Simplicity, pgs. 119, 125, 127, 128, 129

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I once had a wise person tell me that anger is not a primary emotion.

She said many psychologists think that there are only two primary emotions:

Hurt

and

Fear

I don’t know how you would prove that.  Anger is in the Bible. 

But I always think about that when I feel myself get angry.

What am I really upset about?

And if I’m honest, it’s usually because my feelings are hurt or I’m afraid.

It’s kind of like a little girl who is getting picked on and she gets defensive and defiant.

When really her heart is just sad because she wants to be liked.

Or when Caden grits his teeth in anger – then when I ask what’s hurt his heart, he immediately melts into a puddle of tears.

Sometimes God does that to me. 

He’ll stop me in my tracks and ask, “Jamie, what’s really bothering you?”

Just stopping long enough to sort through the anger and get down to the hurt and fear can be healing.

So.  I’m sad. 

I’m sad because of all the ways I hurt others and fail to love them.

I’m sad because when I get self-righteous, it’s only a matter of time before my kind Father reminds me of all the reasons I don’t get to throw stones.

I’m sad because I am daily in contact with a world that is so broken and hurting. 

Also.  I’m afraid.

I’m afraid to let my heart love more people.

I’m afraid to let go of control of stuff that’s not really in my control to begin with.

I’m afraid of failing.

I know when I get like this, it’s time to step back and evaluate.  Mostly because it means I’ve tried to take on the battle in my own strength.  Instead of clinging to Him.

Jesus says, “take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

On my own, I’m the perpetual underdog cheerleader.  This may seem noble, but it can be not noble.  Especially if I’m too closely identifying with the underdog.  Then it’s just personal.

And it usually represents something I haven’t completely taken to Jesus, had a fit over in His presence, let His healing word come to my heart, and release it into His Capable Hands. 

So tonight I’m doing some releasing. 

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“I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.” 

– C.S. Lewis

This morning in Fall Avoidance, I had a believer in each class that was grateful for the same thing:

One day we will have new bodies. 

One of my ladies has an incredibly crooked back.  By the end of the day she just aches.  She also has the best attitude of anyone I know.  When I challenged her to try to stand up straighter on the exercise we were doing, she did.  She added, “Have I had you feel with your hand how crooked my back is?”  When I assured her I had before, and when I said, “One day your spine will be straight again,” she smiled.  Sometimes that’s the hope we have to hold onto.  No amount of therapy will fix it in this life.  But you know what she said?

“But I’m grateful for the body my mom gave me in this life.  It’s strong and mostly healthy and has allowed me to do many things.”

Such a great attitude.  In the midst of the daily ache, she is grateful.

In the second class, it was the kind man whose pastor had him sit in on VBS as a new believer that related to this desire of a new body.  He has esophagus issues that require scopes once a year.  He also has liver disease, though he never drank alcohol.  His theory is all the chemicals that were absorbed through his skin while working at Cessna before OSHA came into being. 

Once in a while, he gets down for the count for a few days to a few weeks.  He just has to sleep it off and his wife serves him.

“Paul wrote to the Corinthians, ‘If Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins…[and] we are to be pitied more than all men” (1 Cor. 15:17, 19).

They physical resurrection of Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of redemption – both for mankind and for the earth.  Indeed, without Christ’s resurrection and what it means – an eternal future for fully restored human beings dwelling on a fully restored Earth – there is no Christianity…

The nail prints in Christ’s hands and feet are the strongest possible affirmation that the same earthly body that was crucified is now the same heavenly body that was raised.  ‘It is I myself!  Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see I have’ (Luke 24:39).

There will be continuity from this life to the next.  I will be able to say with Job, ‘In my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes – I, and not another’ (Job 19:26-27)…

Despite the radical changes that occur through salvation, death and resurrection, we remain who we are.  We have the same history, appearance, memory, interests and skills.  This is the principle of redemptive continuity.  God will not scrap his original creation and start over.  Instead, he will take his fallen, corrupted children and restore, refresh, and renew us to our original design…

Many of us look forward to Heaven more now than we did when our bodies functioned well.  Joni Eareckson Tada says it well:

‘Somewhere in my broken, paralyzed body is the seed of what I shall become.  The paralysis makes what I am to become all the more grand when you contrast atrophied, useless legs against splendorous resurrected legs.  I’m convinced that if there are mirrors in heaven (and why not?), the image I’ll see will be unmistakably ‘Joni,’ although a much better, brighter Joni.’

Inside your body, even if it is failing, is the blueprint for your resurrection body.  You may not be satisfied with your current body or mind – but you’ll be thrilled with your resurrection upgrades.  With them you’ll be better able to serve and glorify God and enjoy an eternity of wonders he has prepared for you.”

Alcorn, Heaven, pgs. 111, 114, 120, 124

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