I’m outside watching the boys make a mud hole in the yard in the one spot Dan hasn’t had a chance to fill out yet. They’re gonna make me a mud pie before big one’s T-ball game!
These words were ringing through my mind earlier from Believing God:
“When I finally started to walk between the ditches, I adopted a set of spiritualized ‘nevers’ to protect me from becoming like people in Christian media who I thought were weird. I now realize that at the heart of my list of ‘nevers’ wasn’t the desire to be like Christ. I don’t doubt He can use media to further His kingdom.
My desire was to not be like others.
How arrogant can a person be in her attempt to be humble?
The issue to God, however, was not growth of the ministry, participation in radio, or any other kind of media.
The issue was authority.
He is God, and He alone has the right to say what we will and will not do in our callings.
As I wept in prayer, I felt as if God spoke a gentle question to my heart:
“Beth, what are you afraid of?”
With bitter tears I blurted out, “I’m afraid I’ll fail You!”
Goodness knows I had before.
I cried until I was sore.
That next morning Kay Arthur was speaking in Houston, and I had the privilege of opening for her in prayer. I was absolutely desperate for a word from God, so I sat riveted on the front row.
Not coincidentally, Kay’s text that morning was Joshua chapter 1. At one point in her message, she walked down the platform of stairs, looked straight at me, and passionately proclaimed a pointed phrase from Joshua 1:5:
I
Will
Not
Fail
You!
Only twenty-four hours earlier I bore my soul to God and confessed my worst fear: “I’m afraid I’ll fail You!”
Through His dear servant, God responded, “But Beth, I will not fail you.”
I could still sob over it.