Quick disclaimer: I was set loose on scanning photographs. They turned out as huge photos, with most of it white background and in the corner the picture I was aiming for. So that is why there are huge gaps between paragraphs on some of these. Had to work around the white background border, you see. Carry on.
Today is our 11th anniversary.
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I’ve lived enough married life for God to have smashed some of my idealistic expectations.
He has very kindly shown me – over and over – how Dan can never be enough for me. He isn’t supposed to be.
And, frankly, Dan doesn’t want that pressure.
The reason I fell in love with this wonderfully bossy man is I couldn’t walk all over him.
(Feel free to ask him why he married this “wonderfully” self-centered woman.)
(Also feel free to ask why 12 year olds are dating in the picture below. Just kidding we were in college.)
Oh are you still there? Thought I lost you…
Now, don’t get me wrong. Dan pursued me.
No, he wooed me.
And he fought for me. The details do not need to be blabbed publicly, but he defended my honor. Even though I didn’t deserve it.
But he managed that unique combination of showing me he thought the world of me without making me his whole world.
I liked it.
(A little post college graduation smooch below. I knew those diplomas were good for something. Just kidding. Diplomas are good for many things. Get an education, kids!!)
And, here’s the biggest part: Bless his heart, he started pursuing me in the middle of an I’m through with men phase. Lovely phase, this is.
For example, on our first hang out alone I opened the door of my apartment for him wearing a huge hoodie and baggy sweats. And even though I barely made it down the stairs without blurting out that “this isn’t a date,” he treated me with kindness and honor. He opened the car door for me, asked me purposed questions, and even offered a gentle rebuke for the way I was handling a touchy situation with a mutual friend.
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| Mountains in Central Asia |
I was impressed.
And scared out of my gourd.
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| Pregnant in Istanbul |
You see, my previous relationship hadn’t ended long before and it had been completely unhealthy.
I was still gun shy.
Thankfully, Dan wasn’t a pushover.
And his plan to fly for the first time in his life to China for a whole semester gave him enough of an edge in my book to keep me interested.
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| First Family Photo |
A year and a half later I was vowing to forever with these words:
Daniel Richard Proffer, I love you for the man you are and the man you are becoming.
I know God brought us together and I desire to see Him glorified through us.
I promise
To love and to trust you
Respect and support you
Be your best friend and biggest fan
Fight and cry with you
Cherish and value you
To share hurts and triumphs, joys and defeats
To be real with you and open my heart to love
I promise to let you be you and serve you as my partner in life
And when I mess up on these things, I promise to be humble enough to seek forgiveness.
I cannot imagine what lies ahead in our life together
But I promise to be by your side
Whether rich or poor
Sick or healthy
Until death parts us
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| Back in America |
We’ve definitely had to use that “when I mess up on these things” clause. We don’t love each other perfectly. He will always struggle with wanting things a certain way and being critical of how things actually are.
I will always go back and forth between desperately trying to please his critical side and being stubbornly rebellious towards it.
But I’ve learned something. If he loved me in the perfect, all-consuming way I thought I wanted (you know, the way only God can), one of two things would happen:
1) He would become my idol
or
2) I would be bored of him.
Truly, if he thought I hung the moon, I would lose interest. If I think someone has put me on a pedestal I have this insatiable urge to jump off it right in front of them – or just run away before they figure out the truth. In my heart of hearts, I don’t want someone to make me or our marriage his everything. That’s not the point.
The point is His glory. The point is letting someone round off your sharpened edges. The point is loving like Jesus loves His church. The point is serving Him better together than you could apart.
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| First Family of Four photo |
Oh, how many battles for control we’ve had.
The heartaches of life we’ve shared.
The waves of change we’ve ridden together.
We do not have a perfect marriage. We don’t even have an easy, go-with-the-flow marriage. Because we’re not easy, go-with-the-flow people.
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| At a California harbor. Right after a fight, by the way. Just keepin it real. |
But, we do have a good marriage. And a happy one.
I really can’t tell you how much I love this man.
How deeply I admire him.
I love how we’ve weathered surgeries, moves, miscarriages, births, deaths, travels, fights, dreams realized, dreams tweaked, children, houses, jobs and the daily-ness of love together.
I love how much he likes to celebrate holidays. I love how he’s always thinking of ways to have fun as a family. I love how he flirts with me in his text messages. I love how he thinks of little things for others. I love how hard he works for us. I love how faithful and constant he is. I love how we laugh at the stupidest things together. I love learning new lessons with him. I love that we’re both suckers for infomercials.
I love how hard he works on his issues and how he encourages me in the work on my own. I love that he’s taught me the sexiest kind of love says, “You’re being a brat right now and I didn’t sign up for this. But I love you and I’m not quitting.” I love knowing which of his buttons I could push if I wanted. And choosing not to because that’s what love does. I love that he has seen me at my worst. And I mean worst. And he never gave up on me.
And I really love the way he looks at me.
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| (this picture is at least 7 years old) |
I also love knowing that, as long as God allows, we will have a fresh batch of experiences to glean from throughout the next 11 years. We’re really just beginning.
God has used this man to refine me more than anything else on this earth.
And I’m truly grateful he’s not my all in all.
But I’m so thankful he’s part of me.
Happy Anniversary, my love.
“I’m so glad it was you.”
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