Have you ever read this book?
Absolutely fascinating. Just like we all have one or two primary love languages, we have a primary language of apology.
For example, if I can only hear one or two of the languages, my heart responds best to expressing regret and genuine repentance.
Dan is more of an accepting responsibility and making restitution kind of man. That’s because we’re wired very differently.
If he has asked me to do something and, for one reason or another, it didn’t get done, saying I’m sorry is like white noise to him. But if I say, “That was wrong and I should have made it a priority in my day, especially since you asked me to do that. I will make sure to do it before I go to bed.” it just sits with him better.
And if I see him genuinely sorrowful that he has hurt me, combined with a clear decision to not do it again – that actually changes his behavior going forward, my heart is so warmed.
Of course this doesn’t just have to do with marriages. Apologizing to friends, co-workers, children, roommates, neighbors is all necessary as we imperfect humans brush up against (smack into?) each other in daily life.
Speaking of children, we learned from friends to teach our kids that when someone apologizes, to not just say, “That’s okay.” But instead to say, “I forgive you.”
Because it matters.
I think all of this reflects the heart of a very relational God. It has been a while since I read it, so I won’t get this thought exact. But at one point, the authors talk about how God Himself requires apologies. First, when we confess our rebellion towards Him and our need for Him to save us. This establishes our relationship with Him.
But then, all through our relationship, we apologize and confess (agree with Him) about our continued sin. This reestablishes our fellowship with Him.
Although our relationship is secure and will never change (I will always be His daughter), our fellowship can be affected by my sin. Confession and forgiveness restore our intimacy.
What do you think? Ever read the book? Ever thought of apologies in this way? How do you best “hear” an apology?
I really want to know.