I’ve been thinking.

(I know what you’re thinking.  Stop thinking already!)

But all this talk about celebrating and acting like children and imaginations and dancing makes me ponder something.

How does this work in mixed company?  Between genders.

I don’t talk about every aspect of my life on this blog, but that’s because this blog is not my whole life.  Just little snippets.  But a big part of my life these days is the fact that I’m involved in ministry to women in the sex industry.  This is not an idea unique to me; lots of groups all over the world are bringing God’s love to women in this setting. 

But even though it isn’t unique in the world, it’s unique in my little world.  Because I tend to be insecure in certain areas, I often wonder what others think of this…or me being involved in this.  I can project judgments onto others they never had.  (I acknowledge this is completely wrong.)

But also…how are men supposed to deal with someone like me?  What is a good and healthy way to relate to someone they know is ministering in an area where every man struggles?  Do they have to put up walls mentally when relating with me?  Is that the only way?  Are there other ways to have boundaries with me or their own minds?

I’m in a season of writing.  It seems to me that God has seen fit to give me seasons of immersing myself in His Word and other’s words…then seasons where I almost cannot help regurgitating those words somewhere.  Lucky for you (?) it’s on here these days. 

One of the books I re-read with a more open mind in the last several years was Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  Now don’t go thinking I endorse every word or opinion in this book.  I don’t think it is gospel for Biblical womanhood.

But it does bring up some interesting ideas.  One that’s had me pondering is this:

“The way femininity can awaken masculine strength – and the way a good man’s strength allows a woman to be beautiful – these can be offered in all sorts of holy ways between men and women who are not married to one another.

Far too long we have lived in a culture of fear in the Church, fearing that any relationships between men and women will end in an affair.  Sadly, we have forsaken so many opportunities to call one another forth with the grace of our genders.

John wasn’t able to be present for our recent women’s retreat.  On the second day I had an encounter with an evil woman that left me shaken and under spiritual attack.  I asked our colleague, a young man named Morgan, to pray for me.  He did – fiercely.  He rose up on my behalf and sent the enemy packing.

His prayers and kind words to me allowed my heart to rest again and carry on through the day.  I made myself vulnerable to him, needed him, in a perfectly innocent way.  He came through for me, offered his strength in a perfectly innocent way.  My thanks to him was a way of saying, ‘You have what it takes.’  Should that not be an encouragement to him?

In the same way there are women in our fellowship who have offered to me (John) many words of encouragement, many tender kindnesses.  They have spoken to me of how I have impacted their lives, touched their hearts, offered my strength on their behalf.  And that has brought great encouragement and inspiration to me – even at times when I felt I was failing Stasi as a man.

But their encouragement and inspiration did not make me want to have an affair with them – it actually fueled my fire to go back and offer my strength to Stasi.  It was a kind of affirmation that said, ‘You are a good man, a man of strength.  As a woman I am grateful.’

John has offered his strength and kind heart to many women in our community – listened to their lives, helped them find their way, fought fiercely for them.  His strong, kind presence awakens their beauty.  In some sense it is God saying to them, ‘This is available – no here, in John – but this kind of man is available.  Doesn’t that awaken your heart as a woman?’

There are all sorts of opportunities in our lives for this.  Truth be told, it will be unavoidable.  As a man comes alive, the women in his world will experience and enjoy his strength, the power of his masculine presence.  As a woman comes alive, the men in her world will experience and enjoy her beauty, the richness of her feminine presence. 

Yes – this exchange of strength and beauty will be a test of character.  When something is awakened in us by another man or woman, we do have a choice in that moment.  We choose to accept that awakening as an invitation to go find that with our man or woman.  Or to pray, if we are single, that this sort of man or woman will come to us from God’s hand. 

We will have to face this kind of test as we relate to members of the opposite sex.  The only other option is to veil ourselves – as the Muslims insist their women do.  A sad and unbiblical way to live.”

What do you think?  I know.  There are so many other factors.  A person’s character and past.  The particular sins they struggle with.  Strength of marriages.  Men and women acting in a way that is honoring to God.  The enemy’s desire to see marriages broken.  Accountability.  Probably to be safe, never dealing with these things one-on-one with opposite genders.

But still, the points are valid.

I’m not worried too much about it.  Mostly because in my little sphere of influence God has given me many safe men.  And my man many safe women.  Dan and I trust each other and our love.  We trust our community.  We aren’t naïve and keep each other accountable and don’t take chances.  I can’t even think of a time when either one of us have been alone with the opposite gender.  But we still live in trust, not fear 

Anyway, I am not looking to be authoritative on this topic or advocate for change in any of the settings in which I am a part.

Just bringing up words.  Thoughts and ideas.