I once had a wise person tell me that anger is not a primary emotion.

She said many psychologists think that there are only two primary emotions:

Hurt

and

Fear

I don’t know how you would prove that.  Anger is in the Bible. 

But I always think about that when I feel myself get angry.

What am I really upset about?

And if I’m honest, it’s usually because my feelings are hurt or I’m afraid.

It’s kind of like a little girl who is getting picked on and she gets defensive and defiant.

When really her heart is just sad because she wants to be liked.

Or when Caden grits his teeth in anger – then when I ask what’s hurt his heart, he immediately melts into a puddle of tears.

Sometimes God does that to me. 

He’ll stop me in my tracks and ask, “Jamie, what’s really bothering you?”

Just stopping long enough to sort through the anger and get down to the hurt and fear can be healing.

So.  I’m sad. 

I’m sad because of all the ways I hurt others and fail to love them.

I’m sad because when I get self-righteous, it’s only a matter of time before my kind Father reminds me of all the reasons I don’t get to throw stones.

I’m sad because I am daily in contact with a world that is so broken and hurting. 

Also.  I’m afraid.

I’m afraid to let my heart love more people.

I’m afraid to let go of control of stuff that’s not really in my control to begin with.

I’m afraid of failing.

I know when I get like this, it’s time to step back and evaluate.  Mostly because it means I’ve tried to take on the battle in my own strength.  Instead of clinging to Him.

Jesus says, “take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

On my own, I’m the perpetual underdog cheerleader.  This may seem noble, but it can be not noble.  Especially if I’m too closely identifying with the underdog.  Then it’s just personal.

And it usually represents something I haven’t completely taken to Jesus, had a fit over in His presence, let His healing word come to my heart, and release it into His Capable Hands. 

So tonight I’m doing some releasing.