Just so you know, the truths swirling in my head and heavy on my heart today are easier for me.

They’re much less,

“THUS SAITH THE LORD.”

Which, by the by, I always prefer.

(Who am I, anyway?  A big ole sinner, saved by a Glorious Redeemer, right alongside anyone reading this.) 

Anyway.

I told you we’re going through Hosea as a small group.

So idols, rebuke, waywardness, love, sacrifice and chastisement.

Then as a church we’re going through Galatians.

So grace, not law.  Walking in the Spirit not trying to earn approval.  Believing God is what is credited as righteousness.

Then, when I’m caught up in our study, I’m reading on my own time through Hebrews.  So faith, perseverance, our Great High Priest, warnings against unbelief.

It’s a lot, yo.

Some tidbits of conversation from this week:

“Paul often called himself a bondservant.  A bondservant is different than a child.  Both obey.  Both love.  But a bondservant responds for different reasons than a child to a father.”

“I grew up in a home where nothing was ever good enough, no matter what.  So how do I now reconcile my desire to help others be all they can – to the best of their ability – and still live in and show grace?”

“I’ve heard the story of the prodigal son my whole life.  And I have always identified with the older brother: that stinks for him.  The biggest spiritual issue I’ve faced is pride.  But now?  I’m eating from a stinking pig trough [in this area].”

(Oh, P.S. Do you have people this honest in your life?  You need some!  And, yes, I have permission to post this anonymously.)

I told you Dan and I are working on our communication. 

This is hard.

Both of us are so, so wrong at times.

But (thank You Jesus) both of us want to change.

And now let’s talk about parenting, shall we? 

I have yelled.

I get impatient.

Sometimes I take waaaay too much time to myself.

The boys often have too much screen time – especially in the winter.

Sometimes out of fear I stress about behavior rather than the source: their hearts.

That was not fun to type. 

Ah, parenting.  Such a good lesson in being forced to trust God.  There’s nothing like the illusion that you have things under control when a little human comes along and goes, hee hee.  Nope.     

But that’s okay.  Control isn’t the goal.  If I had the perfect formula, what would I need God for?  And besides, I’d just end up worshipping my formula.  (Trust me, I know my sinful little heart.)

The boys know I need God.  They’ve watched me pray out loud for my attitude.  They’ve seen me ask forgiveness from them and Jesus.  They’ve watched me tear up when they ask, “Why are you mad, Mommy?” because I got grouchy instead of graceful.

Yes, I definitely need Him. 

Why am I word vomiting all this on you? 

Because I want you to be warned – in case you were ever tempted:

Do not look toward this little blog for How to Have the Perfect Family. 

We are not that family. 

We have certain strengths and lack many, many others.  We know about some things…and are frightfully inept at others. 

(But I will share the things I do know about that He’s taught me…because I have to answer to Him if I don’t.)

We are walking with people who know us and our hearts well.  People who have cried with us, prayed for us, shared their struggles, too.  We are accepting their rebukes and challenges because we know they love us and it is in our best interest.  We are apologizing and repenting when needed.  We can make it together – growing and loving and serving. 

Please, Jesus.  Your Spirit empowering our efforts. 

So You get the credit.